And Finally

This was sent to me by a subscriber, and I gather it appeared in Good Weekend magazine. I think it’s priceless.

Q: My wife and I have been perplexed by the fact there are 11 Tim Tams in a packet. Is it to promote disharmony between couples? Or to improve negotiation skills in regards to the sharing of the last one?
K.C. Collingwood, VIC

A: Everyone loves Tim Tams: they’re a yummy combination of biscuit, cream filling and chocolate coating, and they have been destroying loving relationships since 1964. Eleven biscuits cannot be divided equally between two people, so a packet is really on suitable for polygamous Mormon marriages of 11 members, each getting only one Tim tam, so it’s hardly satisfactory.
But for the monogamous couple, there’s no workable solution.

Scenario 1: you offer the final Tim Tam to your beloved, they politely say, “No you have it.” This goes on until someone finally takes it, the other person thinks,” You pig”, resentment builds, you break up.

Scenario 2: you share the final Tim Tam by breaking it in half, you fail to take into account he delicate nature of biscuit structure, the Tim Tam shatters, the other person thinks, “you dope”, disappoint festers, you break up.

Scenario 3: you buy 2 packet of Tim Tams so you can have 11 each, you both put on weight, your teeth rot and fall out, you find each other physically repulsive, you break up.

Arnott’s is up to no good, using Tim Tams to force traditional couples into unlawful polygamous marriages. And things get worse with Tim Tams Chewy Caramels, which come in packets of nine encouraging organistic ménage a trois relationship, three Tim Tams each. No idea why Arnott’s is doing this. I think it’s an Illuminati thing.

Question asked to guru@goodweekend.com

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