And Finally

Getting ready for NBN Broadband in the bush!!

LOG ON  Adding wood to make the campfire hotter

LOG OFF Not adding any more wood to the campfire.

MONITOR Keeping an eye on the fire.

DOWNLOAD Getting the firewood off the Ute.

HARD DRIVE Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD Where you hang the Ute keys.

WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather’s cold.

SCREEN What you shut in the mozzie season.

BYTE What mozzies do

MEGABYTE  What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP  A pub snack.

MICROCHIP What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.

MODEM What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE Stainless steel knives and forks from K-Mart.

MOUSE The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME What holds the shed up.

WEB What spiders make.

WEBSITE Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE What you do when the Ute won’t go.

CURSOR What you say when the Ute won’t go.

YAHOO What you say when the Ute does go.

SERVER The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET Where you want the fish to go.

ONLINE Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren’t strong enough.