AND FINALLY

nn5

Christmas brought up to date for the politically correct.

The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir
We will lend a coat of fur
We will rock you, rock you, rock you
We will rock you, rock you, rock you

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons.  Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note: only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus.  Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows …

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr R Reindeer.  Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory, and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.  A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions – including suspension on full pay – will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable – as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as ‘cash for gold’ etc – gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions.  A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption.  Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks.  Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels’ hooves.

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