No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning
I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap
Be careful about reading the fine print, there’s no way you’re going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can’t buy happiness but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Jaguar than in a Ford.
After 60 if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead.
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
Life isn’t tied with a bow but it’s still a gift.